blissful.

sometimes, all i can think about is how lucky i am. how blessed, and amazed, and truly humbled by the fact that i live the most incredible life. how just one act of cruelty by someone who never really cared about anyone but himself, could turn into the most amazing journey of my life. i try so hard not to hold on too tight, for fear i might accidentally crush the beautiful gift that has been given to me. i don't even want to breathe too hard sometimes, because i don't want things to change, to be different in any way at all, because they're so perfect just the way they are.

place where I want to be today: right where I am :) memphis!

October, how I love thee...

I am so ridiculously happy it's fall!! No, seriously. It's amazing. There is actually one very, very nice thing about not living in P-town during the October-March months...SUN!!! I have been checking their weather & comparing it to ours...10 day forecast for M-City= Sunny & amazing! 10 day forecast for P-Town...Ick, ick, and more ick. I mean, don't get me wrong: I do love foggy, rainy, cloudy days and I am a sweatshirt/flip-flops kinda girl. Forever. BUT, I have been getting pretty spoiled on the seriously amazing amount of sunnage we get here in the lovely state of TN! I think it will definitely be another adjustment when we move back to the great, gorgeous Northwest. You win some, you lose some!

So, I am 100% back on track with my eating. I am finally taking control, and it feels so good. Seriously, I am just trying to take it one day at a time, and I am tracking EVERYTHING in a notebook I bought expressly for my food/exercise log. I haven't done so well on the working out this week, but tomorrow I am definitely hitting the gym in the morning! Tomorrow morning is strength training at 8:30 and Zumba at 9:30, and I am psyched up for both! Then I am hopefully going to have time to get in the pool  & hot tub for a bit as a reward!! Another new change I am trying to implement: More water & MUCH less soda and coffee. The coffees I love are so expensive and have SO much sugar in them! I just need to cool it. Maybe once a week will be okay, but I don't even think it has been two days yet, so I just going to try to make it until next Wednesday without having one. And the soda? That is another one step at a time thing...I am going to have to tell my love that I very much appreciate his buying me a soda every day on the way home, but I no longer need to have that every day. (He is so good to me, btw!) 

I feel like with my finally trying to get my weight under control, maybe I can start to have some control in other areas of my life as well. For example, schoolwork!! I am trying hard to keep up with the studying. It is really hard to just sit down and actually STUDY in these types of lecture classes, because there are no actual assignments...Just come to class, take notes, study those for the test. Yikes! You have to have some serious motivation to really sit down and just study instead of goofing off on the million other things I could be doing online. 

Anyhow. Time to turn my brain off and watch some SVU. Hopefully I can get to sleep before 3am tonight!! Insomnia has not been my friend lately. 

Debbie Downer alert!!

I am not sure why I have been such a slacker lately with my bloggeration, but, I have. New goal: Fix it! 

Hmm, so what has been going on since I last updated...Not much. 

I have been extremely unmotivated with pretty much every aspect of my life, for some reason. I go through these phases occasionally, and then I have to seriously kick my own ass in order to get back out of them. Ass-Kicking: Commence!!


I am determined to start this week out brand-new. I am going to make a schedule of when I am going to work out, what I am eating for the day, and also when I am going to study. For some reason, I do a whole lot better when I have everything all written out & lined up. If I just try to wing it, I almost always fail. Failure is not an option this week, friends.

On my weight-loss goals, specifically: I want to lose about 50 pounds before Christmas. I think it is do-able, but I will NOT be able to have any more of these little lapses in motivation. I have really had such a hard time with it since moving to Memphis...in reality I have actually GAINED 30 lbs since we moved out here. How sad & disgusting is that. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and all I can think of is...Where did I go!? I just want to get back to where I felt happy, and healthy, and where it didn't completely get me out of breath to lean down and tie my shoes. 

Some days, I am so tired of being me.

Well, this post started out very optimistic, then did a serious dive down into Debbie-land, so I am going to end it on a positive note.


This week, I WILL: 

1) Go to all my classes & study as hard as I can for every test. I have an opportunity to do really, amazingly well at school. Don't blow it.

2) Work out Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. No exceptions!

3) Walk Roxie all of the above days.


4) Be the best wife I can be. Try to get rid of as much moodiness, anxiety, and evil bitchiness as I can in every workout I have, so I can be as pleasant & supportive as he deserves.


5) Last, but definitely not least, I want to track everything I eat/drink this week, and see if it really makes a difference in how I feel I did. Anything helps!


And here's what you've all been waiting for...


Exotic destination I am dreaming about today: EGYPT!!

Are we really having this conversation...again?!

Sometimes, I am just so sick of hearing the television I could scream. I don't understand the fascination with it, not one bit. I am not saying I do not enjoy the occasional TV show, because I do. I like certain crime shows, the Food Network, some of the shows on HGTV. The difference is, I could go weeks without watching the TV and not miss it a bit. J could sit on his ass every day of the week and rot his brain out with that BS. I just can't stand it some days. The constant chatter & noise just makes me want to rip the hair out of my head, one by one. Before I do that, however, I have the urge to call my husband every synonym for lazy/annoying/sloth in the dictionary. I have tried to let him do his thing, and not say anything about it, but honestly some (most) days I just have to say something. I don't get why a person would not want to go out and be in the world; so many museums, parks, places to go, people to see....why would you want to sit and waste all your time in front of the television? What is the point of wasting your life that way? I know that everyone has different ways of relaxing, and that I should be more open & less judgmental. I know. I'm trying, I really am. Sometimes, though, I just can't.

Okay, I'm finished ranting. I think. Maybe. If I have another urge to go off again...well, you'll know.

I think I am going to go to the art museum this afternoon. I have been wanting to go for a long long time, and I am sick of waiting for it to suit someone else to take me or go with me. Sometimes, ya just gotta take the initiative and do your own thing.

I also have quite a bit of Microbiology studying to do.  I have been putting off my schoolwork horribly, so I guess it's time to go ahead and get started before the term is over. 

Right?

Nothing too exciting to report here today. Just the usual things happening over here...I will definitely let you all in on it if something massive (or, probably not so massive) happens.


Place of my dreams today: BERN, SWITZERLAND!

Someday.

Baby fever!

You know how some people are just so incredibly smart, artsy, and the way they write can just blow your mind and put you right into their world?

...yeah, that's not me.

I am just writing so I can have an outlet to talk about whoever I want, whatever I want, however I want. If you don't like it, step off my page.

I am not really that sassy. Usually. Okay, sometimes I am. I guess I just really want to have a record of how I am feeling at different times & different experiences in my life, and writing it all down in a little bitty notebook just gets old. Fast. Plus my hand gets so tired I quit after about the 4th sentence. Typing suits me so much better!

My new little nephew was born today. He is the sweetest thing! I can't wait to meet him and give him lots & lots of kisses. Being so far away from all the kids and my family is yet another crappy thing about living in M-town.  Not only is it crime-filled, trash-ridden, and roach-infested, it is 2500 miles away from my babies! And that, my friends, is a shame all it's own. I told J tonight while we were walking that I think I want to find an NP program in the Northwest instead of keeping on keeping on out here. We still have another 3ish years until I am done with my Masters anyways, so it's not like we will be hopping on the next bus out of here. Unfortunately.


I have been getting a little bit of baby fever lately. It seems like everywhere I look, there are pregnant women and sweet babies giggling and toddlers saying adorable things, & everyone I know is getting knocked up or trying to get that way. I know that we still want to wait until I at least have my BA finished, but it gets so hard when there are very cute, extremely chubby baby cheeks at all turns. 


Place of my dreams today: BAHAMAS!